Post by Cloudeh Mongoose on Apr 7, 2010 23:13:35 GMT -5
Double Standards.
You deny that you have them, but we all know it’s true.
You deny that you have them, but we all know it’s true.
- You talk to me in the car. I listen. You stop. A song on the radio I like comes on. I reach for the volume on the radio and turn it up from 16 to 19. You yell at me and tell me that it’s fine the way it is. You turn it down to 14.
A few weeks later, you and I are riding in the car. You are driving me home from school. A song you like comes on. You turn it from 19 to 24 and laugh at me when I plug my ears and tell you it’s too loud. I point out what you did when my song was supposedly too loud. You brushed it off.
• - We are heading to grandma’s house. You tell me and my brothers that we shouldn’t go on the computer during this visit. 30 minutes into the visit, you allow one of them to go onto the computer. And then the next. You are in the room when I ask him if I can have the computer next. You snap at me and tell me I don’t need to use it. I want to argue, but I know that if I do, you’ll yell at me, then I’ll cry, then you’ll only yell more.
It is the youngest’s turn again. I ask you why I can’t use the computer, as nicely as I can. Isn’t it clear that I’m afraid you’ll yell at me? Apparently not, because you give me a dark glare, and tell me it’s because they’re kids, and I need to socialize. Although, it was only after saying that that you actually began to include me in the conversation. When we leave, you yell at me more in the car for wanting to use the computer, although it is quite clear by now that you’re angry with me. I cry in the car and am thankful for the darkness of night. It keeps you from seeing the tears and yelling at me again.
• - We go out to a restaurant for mom’s birthday. It is a bar that kids are allowed to enter. Everyone was having a good time. You were talking, but I thought you were just thinking out loud again. I look to Mom and start talking to her. You yell at me for talking while you’re talking, and then I realize you were speaking to Mom. She didn’t even seem to realize it was her you were talking to.
I look to you near the end of dinner and start saying something. I even say your name before I start, so you know I’m talking to you. You glance at me for a moment, but then both of the boys each capture your attention. I wind up ignored. I get your attention back with Mom’s help, and tell you what just happened. You laugh at me and tell me I seem to enjoy pointing out when you’re being unfair, as if being fair toward your children doesn’t matter.
I guess you don’t realize that you saying that hurts.
• - At the restaurant, you want us all to have chicken, and when I ask you if I can have chili, you yell at me for always wanting something different from everyone else and tell me to quit being so difficult. Mom tries to cut in. You ignore her.
At the end of dinner, I say that the chicken was okay. You were shocked I didn’t totally fall in love with it. Mom explained that was why I wanted chili instead. Apparently you thought I wanted to eat the chili and the chicken.
You finally apologize. But only for that. And only because Mom told you to. You don’t think to apologize for making me cry earlier.
Eh. I hope I don't come off as feeling sorry for myself.
If so, I am not. xD I just wanted to rant this off my chest, and when I rant I wanna tell everyone. I have no idea why. =shrugs=
And by the way, I love my dad. He is not abusive in any way. He just does things that I wish he didn't, and these are some of them. I'm sensitive. I think I have a fear of getting yelled at or something. xP
