Post by Spottednose on Jul 28, 2009 10:25:58 GMT -5
I was bored, so I was reading over some stuff I had typed for school. One of our essays had been to write a story about boarding the Titanic, and what the sinking might have been like. I chose to be a third class passenger girl. In the story, I'm 14. I have a two year old sister, and a 17 year old brother. My mom is with us, but my dad had already died. I just added that to fill in some of the blanks. Please post any thoughts on it. I'm not to sure how well I am at writing, so I posted this to see if you guys thought I was good, or just ok. Please tell me what you thought of it. Now that I read over it, I see many things, that I would change to make it better, but I don't feel like doing it right now.
The Ride That Changed My Life
I walked excitedly up the walk. John, my brother, was in front of me, and Mama and Liz, my younger sister, walked behind me. We were boarding the Titanic, and leaving Southampton, Ireland. The massive ship was the biggest thing I had ever seen. The deck was full of people laughing, and with shouts of, “Good bye!” and “I‘ll miss you!”
Once we finally got to our third class cabins, we put our suitcases down, and John, Liz, and I went back on deck, while Mama took a nap. John went off to explore the ship, while I watched after Liz. After she got tired of walking around, what seemed like the hole ship, I took her down to Mama for her nap.
Latter on deck, as I watched the dolphins jump out of the water at the front of the boat, another third class passenger came up to me. She looked to be about my age. “Hi!” she said cheerfully, “May I watch the dolphins with you?” I nodded, and she leaned against the railing next to me. We talked, and talked after that, and became friends very quickly. I found out her name was Elli May. We talked until supper time, but before we parted, we made each other promise to meet at the same spot the next day after breakfast.
For the next few days, I rushed through breakfast, to go meet Elli May. Most of the time I had Liz with me, but Elli May didn’t seem to mind. “So where are you going to live when you get to the United States?” she asked. I recited the address to her. “I‘ll have to write that down so we can write to each other,” she said. I nodded enthusiastically. She also told me about how we almost hit The New Yorker when we were leaving the first day. I couldn’t believe we came within inches of hitting the other ship.
We continued to talk, until it was time to go to lunch. We found her parents, and brother sitting with my mom at a table in the back of the dining hall. We had introduced them the day before, and they seemed to be getting along really well. Once I had Gotten Liz, and I some food, and Elli May got her food we situated ourselves at the table. Elli May’s eight year old brother said, “I can‘t believe we‘ve been on the Titanic for five days already!” We all agreed that the days since we boarded had gone by really fast. I asked Mama where John was, and she said he was eating with a friend he had met on the ship. I thought about how little time I had spent with my older brother, and decided I would spend more time with him once we got to the U.S.
Around 11:40 that night, I woke up. I could tell something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. Latter on the stillness of the night was replaced by the hollering of crew members slamming on doors, and telling people to get their life vests on. Liz started crying at all the noise. Mama rushed over and helped the little two year old put her life vest on, then she put her own on. John and I were also able to get ours on.
When we got to the deck everyone was rushing around truing to get on lifeboats. I herd the crew members hollering, “Women and children first!” I looked sadly at John. He was seventeen. Not quite an adult, but I knew they would not let him on the lifeboats. I could tell he was sad, but he quickly masked it, as he rushed Mama, Liz and I to a life boat. It was the last one left. All the people around us were pushing, truing to get on, but somehow I managed to get on. “That‘s all for this boat!” a crewman hollered after I had gotten on. I stared in horror at Mama, John, and Liz. Mama thrust Liz into my arms. As she did so she whispered, “We‘ll be ok.” Despite her words, they sounded hollow. I knew I would never be able to see them again. As they started to lower the boat, I thought of the thought I had had at lunch, about spending more time with John. I wound never get a chance to spend time with him or Mama again. I bit back tears. I had to be strong for Mama, and Liz. This was supposed to be the best ride ever, instead, it turned out disastrous.
Just after we pushed off from the boat, there was a loud commotion from on top of the boat. I heard my mother scream. I saw someone push John, and John went overboard. I gasped as I saw him falling from the top of the huge ship. He landed next to our boat. Many of the women in our boat rushed to help pull him in. I desperately wanted to go help him, but I feared if I left Liz, she would wonder to the side of the lifeboat, and fall overboard. Finally, after what seemed like hours, He was pulled to safety. Some of the women took off their coats and put them on him, to keep him warm.
The next few hours seemed to drag by. I watched helplessly as the rest of the people on board the Titanic struggled to survive. Finally, I burst into tears, and leaned against John’s shoulder as I replayed the events of the past days in my head. This was supposed to be the greatest ride in my life, instead, it turned out to be the ride that changed my life forever.
The Ride That Changed My Life
I walked excitedly up the walk. John, my brother, was in front of me, and Mama and Liz, my younger sister, walked behind me. We were boarding the Titanic, and leaving Southampton, Ireland. The massive ship was the biggest thing I had ever seen. The deck was full of people laughing, and with shouts of, “Good bye!” and “I‘ll miss you!”
Once we finally got to our third class cabins, we put our suitcases down, and John, Liz, and I went back on deck, while Mama took a nap. John went off to explore the ship, while I watched after Liz. After she got tired of walking around, what seemed like the hole ship, I took her down to Mama for her nap.
Latter on deck, as I watched the dolphins jump out of the water at the front of the boat, another third class passenger came up to me. She looked to be about my age. “Hi!” she said cheerfully, “May I watch the dolphins with you?” I nodded, and she leaned against the railing next to me. We talked, and talked after that, and became friends very quickly. I found out her name was Elli May. We talked until supper time, but before we parted, we made each other promise to meet at the same spot the next day after breakfast.
For the next few days, I rushed through breakfast, to go meet Elli May. Most of the time I had Liz with me, but Elli May didn’t seem to mind. “So where are you going to live when you get to the United States?” she asked. I recited the address to her. “I‘ll have to write that down so we can write to each other,” she said. I nodded enthusiastically. She also told me about how we almost hit The New Yorker when we were leaving the first day. I couldn’t believe we came within inches of hitting the other ship.
We continued to talk, until it was time to go to lunch. We found her parents, and brother sitting with my mom at a table in the back of the dining hall. We had introduced them the day before, and they seemed to be getting along really well. Once I had Gotten Liz, and I some food, and Elli May got her food we situated ourselves at the table. Elli May’s eight year old brother said, “I can‘t believe we‘ve been on the Titanic for five days already!” We all agreed that the days since we boarded had gone by really fast. I asked Mama where John was, and she said he was eating with a friend he had met on the ship. I thought about how little time I had spent with my older brother, and decided I would spend more time with him once we got to the U.S.
Around 11:40 that night, I woke up. I could tell something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. Latter on the stillness of the night was replaced by the hollering of crew members slamming on doors, and telling people to get their life vests on. Liz started crying at all the noise. Mama rushed over and helped the little two year old put her life vest on, then she put her own on. John and I were also able to get ours on.
When we got to the deck everyone was rushing around truing to get on lifeboats. I herd the crew members hollering, “Women and children first!” I looked sadly at John. He was seventeen. Not quite an adult, but I knew they would not let him on the lifeboats. I could tell he was sad, but he quickly masked it, as he rushed Mama, Liz and I to a life boat. It was the last one left. All the people around us were pushing, truing to get on, but somehow I managed to get on. “That‘s all for this boat!” a crewman hollered after I had gotten on. I stared in horror at Mama, John, and Liz. Mama thrust Liz into my arms. As she did so she whispered, “We‘ll be ok.” Despite her words, they sounded hollow. I knew I would never be able to see them again. As they started to lower the boat, I thought of the thought I had had at lunch, about spending more time with John. I wound never get a chance to spend time with him or Mama again. I bit back tears. I had to be strong for Mama, and Liz. This was supposed to be the best ride ever, instead, it turned out disastrous.
Just after we pushed off from the boat, there was a loud commotion from on top of the boat. I heard my mother scream. I saw someone push John, and John went overboard. I gasped as I saw him falling from the top of the huge ship. He landed next to our boat. Many of the women in our boat rushed to help pull him in. I desperately wanted to go help him, but I feared if I left Liz, she would wonder to the side of the lifeboat, and fall overboard. Finally, after what seemed like hours, He was pulled to safety. Some of the women took off their coats and put them on him, to keep him warm.
The next few hours seemed to drag by. I watched helplessly as the rest of the people on board the Titanic struggled to survive. Finally, I burst into tears, and leaned against John’s shoulder as I replayed the events of the past days in my head. This was supposed to be the greatest ride in my life, instead, it turned out to be the ride that changed my life forever.