Poor, pitiful, me mood *Rant*

[~XxLone*WolfxX~]

Yeah... There's a reason I have never ranted about real life problem. Not stalkers, cause it's fairly easy to rant without really valuable information for stalking. The reason is, I feel that I am very lucky so I don't want to get into a poor pitiful me attitude. That's what mom calls it at least. But I'm frustrated and on the edge of my nerves. Luckily it's not too easy to tell when you're talking to me... That I know of. At least, Cloudy didn't know I had depression till I told her. And to be honest, I haven't been taking the medication like I should...

Anyway. I am going to rant anyway because this is the stress board and I'm sure a lot of are in a poor me attitude when we post on here... No offense meant whatsoever. *shifty eyes* Also if you want skip all the way to the bottom and read the funny story. XD

First. Being blamed for things I had no part in.
You know how they always say teenagers think they're being blamed for everything? Well, maybe not EVERYthing. But I get blamed for a lot of crap I didn't do. I suppose it's easy enough to understand if I get in trouble because the kids make a mess or get hurt while I'm watching them... But wait! They make messes and get hurt while mom and dad are home too... Hm... Odd. Then there are other things.
Example: I'm watching kids. Two of the kids are in the living room area and dad and I are in the room right over. Where there is an open arch to see the kids. I'm sitting behind the wall, dad's sitting basically in front of the arch. The two year has gotten cereal if I remember correctly and dumped it on the floor. Dad starts grumbling to ME about how I am not watching the kids. And here they tell me not to worry about the kids while they're home unless told otherwise.

Second. Dad is the biggest critic of all.
No seriously. EVERYthing I do gets criticized. My writing, cleaning, cooking, drawing, schoolwork, the way I dress(Which is quite modest, no short skirts without shorts under them or stuff like that.), how loud I have my headphones, EVERYTHING. And it's not constructive criticism. It just makes me feel like dirt. Bad. As if I don't already beat myself up about things(Not literally like mentally).
Example: I sweep the floor. You missed a spot. I fix dinner. It's a little runny. I practically get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor... You scrubbed to hard it's too slippery. xP COME ON! I swear if I was perfect he would find SOMEthing wrong.

Third. They rely on me for EVERY little thing.
Seriously. This little rant will have examples in it so their will not be an example section. But when I say EVERY little thing. I mean it. Moms laying in bed reading and needs the phone. I go to get it, guess where it is? Right by the bed. Hm... I can get up and get drinks but come on. Then there's the same problem with the remote. The saddest thing is that mom admits that she relies on me a lot and that she's going to better. But nope. Dad has though. He still asks me to do a lot of little things, although they're bigger jobs now.

Fourth. Diapers, clothes, chores.

• There's a reason why I don't want kids. I know, I know. Mom and dad changed lots of my diapers, took care of me and everything. But if we did a count I'd bet I've changed more. The kid has a dirty diaper and they call me. Especially the number twos. Yeah, yeah. Every once in a while. But when they find out the kid is poopie I have to change it.
  
• Another reason why I don't want family. Laundry. I know a lot who don't mind laundry. Do you have to wash, dry and put away yours, your parents(not always put away), and four sisters who go through around five outfits a day? Maybe you've got more siblings and know how bad it is. I feel for you. I REALLY do. I have to FIGHT with the seven year old to help me put away her own clothes. Which she put away a LOT easier when she was FIVE.
  
• Chores in general. Now. Dad cooks dinner. I do dishes... AND clean up after him. Now, he frequently says that me and mom don't pick up after ourselves and he does. But he's also the one that leaves cans and plastic cups in the sink as if to wash them. HE PASSES THE TRASHCAN ON THE WAY OUT OF THE KITCHEN! Wth?! Anyway... I cook dinner, clean up after myself, and my siblings, and whatever else.
  

Fifth. Being left at home.
Okay... My job is to babysit my sisters while mom and dad are at work. When mom is home it's much the same except worse and a lot less freedom with my schedule. So I don't get out much. That doesn't bother me too much. What bothers me is that when they go somewhere I get stuck at home with the misbehaving kids. And when we all go somewhere, I have to get everyone dressed and get the diaper bag ready. I forget something and I get snapped at. Then there is the 'getting' things. I get a lot of nice stuff. Because I EARNED it. My siblings, yeah 2-7 at the moment, get stuff for nothing. They start to throw a fit and they get something. Although my parents haven't been as bad with that. Then, one more thing, while stuck with the kids while mom and dad are out doing whatever... I'm stuck with cleaning the house! Yay me! xP
Example: Today, I was left home to do laundry while every one of my sisters got to go to town and get something. I am not trying to be whiny but, hell, a soda would have been a nice gesture. I uh... Didn't do as good with housework today because I was holding a grudge... Yeah... So... xP But I did do laundry! So nn...

Sixth. Bedtime.
I HATE IT. Not my bedtime. THEIRS. I'm the one that has to get them ready. Put to bed, and calm them down. I have to lay with the two year old till she goes to sleep. They take an HOUR to get to bed. Then, then, one of them decides they have to use the bathroom and gets up and wakes the others.
Example: JUST NOW! Dad was holding the youngest and made me go and get her ready and put her too bed. While he could have done it just as easily.

Seventh. Your/I'm not the parent.
This little thing will have a couple different rants. First there's the people staring at me and Shade while we were in JCPenny walking around. I got tired of it and while I was standing waiting for the cashier to get finished scanning the clothes this women is STARING at the kids and me. It's starts to creep me out so I sort of turn to her and say 'they're not mine, moms in the salon.' She told me she was just thinking of how cute they were. Suuuuuure. There was even a 'rumor' that the two year old was MINE! I'm FIFTEEN! Then I've been asked three times if the youngest was mine. I wasn't rude. I simply say no my moms over there or where ever.
Then... Mom and dad tell me I'm not the parent. Well I sure feel like the parent. And they don't help. I'm aggravated because these are my parents kids. NOT mine. Yet I must take care of them even while mom and dad are home. Hell. I have to take care of mom and dad. Mostly mom. I ALWAYS have to do the cooking with her. Because I'm a 'better' cook. Bs. She just doesn't want to get up. XP Neither do I but I'm not going to say that. I'll get in trouble.
Sadly they have not told me I'm not the parent in a while.

Eighth. Interrogation.
When I say things that upset mom or dad or do something. I get this. When I want to tell them what I've told you... I can't. I'm afraid I'll be in trouble I'll get the stop being like that. Whatever. What's it like though? HELL. Sitting in a chair mom and dad both there talking to me all the kids in bed. Freaking scary I tell you. And they expect to explain something I said or did without thinking. They expect me to TALK. I do not talk and let my feelings out. I HATE to cry when pressured. But when I get really angry I sort of have a breakdown. Sadly I did this once and dad told me not to cry because I was just making him feel sorry for him. Then he said about a week later that it was okay to cry. I told him what he told me and he said he never said that. BS! YOU DID TOO! ALL THE TIME! He DENIES saying things. Even when me and mom BOTH say he said it. Guess he just loathes being wrong. XP
You know how I said my sisters get what they want when they cry? And about my little breakdowns? Also it's not like I throw myself on the floor, I simply start crying and give up on whatever I'm doing, put on my headphones HIGH so I can't hear much but the music, and I clean or do what I have too. But as I was saying, I had a breakdown over a burger. Yes. But I had had a bad day and mom and dad got home bringing dinner and such. Dad got a sandwich without something that I can't quite remember. I was not told this and took one bite from the sandwich. He starts grumbling about it and goes ON and ON and ON. I told him I only took one bite and he can take a bite of mine to make up for it. He starts going on about how I took more then one bite and he is completely serious. He goes out to get something comes back in and is still whining about it. Yeah... I started crying. Dad can't handle tears. He asks me whats wrong and I start telling him he doesn't trust me, and really with the smallest things he doubts me, and am aggravated. I just walk out of the room for a a while because I absolutely HATE being like THAT in front of my PARENTS. Because I felt I had started crying for no reason.
Time for the saddest part... Dad stopped pressuring me so much and is doing more.

Weeell. I think that's it. All my problems. Oddly I feel better. Thinks stress board!

Funny story-
I was standing around thinking about RPing ideas and got some good ones. I'm also listening to music. But anyway... The seven year old comes up and is several fox lengths from me across the table. She says, '*my name* what's wrong?' And she says it wearily. I start laughing. Know why? Wanna know what was freaking her out?
I was standing there smiling. OMG! XD

Now that I've ended on a good note... I might add more rants later.

Rant Part 2!

Ninth. A little help?
You know how I mentioned the two year old making messes with her diapers and such? Well, I've had to clean two today. With the second she got it on the sink and wall as well as herself. I got distracted cleaning up the kid and never got around to the rest of the mess. Mom and dad are playing on the computers. Dad goes in the bathroom and sees the mess and gets onto me about it. Well excuuuse me. I was busy making sure the kid didn't smell like crap cause I already got in trouble for that YESTERDAY. So this gets him and mom into one of their 'moments' which involves everyone getting up and cleaning in any way they can. The only good thing about these moments is that mom and dad normally help. So it's not too bad. XP

Tenth. Give me a break.
Here's another thing. If I have slumber parties they are normally at my house because of my siblings. Because I've got to do chores and crap. If I want to go on a walk with my friend that's over I have to take ALL of the kids. Not just the seven and four year old. Nooo, all of them. Which makes me not want to go out AT ALL. And here dad bothers me about my... Figure. It's not my weight, cause I weigh a LOT less then he did at this age. Back to the point. I really don't think I should be getting in trouble SOOO much because of my siblings. It is them. Not that I don't love them. But still, things are easier when they aren't around. Less messes, less trouble, less arguing, less yelling, less stress, I could go on for a while. The real problem with this is, I suppose I have a little resentment toward my sisters. It's terrible but true. I was an only child for nine years and I never realized how lucky I was till now. I wish I had been a better person. But you can't change the past. Unfortunately. I think I was mentioning some other things... I can't seem to get a break away from my sisters. I have to do EVERY thing with them. I'm willing to bet when I get my drivers license and want to go somewhere I will have to take them, or at least a few. Some of you may remember when I went to the research hospital. Last time it was with dad this time it was alone. You know how HEAVENLY that was? And here my roommate got sick and they thought that it might have been swine flu. It wasn't. But anyway, going to a hospital was heavenly. Honestly, I had my blood drawn several times, not to mention the sterile smell. Yet I saw it as the most wonderful five days. Then, about two years ago, I got to go to Washington for the pro-life march. That was the most fun EVER. They told me I could go last year, but I didn't. That's another rant though. For now I'm talking about breaks... They are EXTREMELY rare. I mean breaks without siblings or any family. They're like gold to me.

Eleventh. Counselers. *If you read this don't overreact and make sure you read the whole thing*
Yes. I've been to one. No I didn't think it was bad. No I don't go anymore. Yes I would like too. But mom stopped taking me. I liked it because I could talk without worrying about mom and dad around. I can open up to a near stranger, but not my parents. What is WRONG with me? I mean... Ugh... I couldn't talk about everything though. I'll never be able to let everything out. That's impossible. Then again, maybe the more I rant, the more it will want to come out. Hell. I don't even KNOW what's buried anymore. I'm not even sure of myself. No I'm not going to go kill myself... Never going to do that. That would be stupid. Have I thought of running away? Yes. But that would be stupid. Have I thought of upping myself? Who hasn't? I AM NOT CRAZY. Guess I'm just depressed. xP Now, now. Don't go on about the suicide thing. I'm simply saying what I've thought. But. The thoughts are cut off quicker then I can explain. I won't do that. For me it's... Awe what the heck, a sin. It would be a bad thing to do. So I won't do it. My life isn't that bad. It could be SOOOOOO much worse. I mean, I'm not living on the streets. I get nice things. That I earn. Jeez... I know that I won't get things on a silver platter, but something just because would be nice. Not because I've been good or something.

Twelfth. Money and Maturity.
I don't lik. HATE IT. But I think when it comes to money I'm more mature then my parents. I may have ranted earlier about not getting things, but hey I was having a crappy day. Anyway, I turn down a lot of expensive things. Because I know we don't have as much money as mom and dad think some times. money. At least mom and dad argue about money at times. I think they are childish with finances at times. Yes, I know they are working and such but so am I. I watch kids and such. I get stuff for this but still. We spend to much money. I'm not counting things we need so much as things we do not. These are things I turn down. Things I don't need. Plus, I talked mom out of a lot of things when I went shopping with her.
With the whole maturity thing. It might just be me. But mom talks about how she was when she was a kid, so does dad. Apparently mom snuck out a lot and did a lot of things she's surprised she got away with. But that's not the whole point. Mom and dad say that they didn't have a lot of nice things when they were younger and that they had to do a lot. So I supposed in a way they are making up for that. But in turn, they pile these things on me. Neither like a dirty house, so I have to clean it or get in trouble. They don't want to take care of the kids. They call me. I suppose in a way, they grew up too fast then went backwards. Mom did have me when she was seventeen. So yeah. They were forced to grow up too fast. And now are reverting to acting childish in some of the things they do. I don't want to do this to my child. So I will not have one. I will not get married so that I will not have to worry about children. I will practice abstinence also. Hopefully I will not be like a child when I grow up. Now another thing is, with the maturity, my parents whine a LOT. The thing is they get onto me if I whine and tell me to take an Advil or something if I'm in pain. Otherwise I just don't whine. But dad whines about everything. Mom can't take any pain. I have to deal with both these things and I don't whine all the time.
But anyway... They are doing the same thing to me, that their parents did to them and it's getting tiring.

This is my longest post in the history of SC and it's a rant. *sigh*

[Spottednose]

I feel sorry for you... And I thought my parents where bad about that stuff! I feel bad for thinking that now... Maybe your parents will get better...

I can't believe your sister asked you what was wrong because you where SMILING!

[Shadie]

I remember the JC Penny thing. That WAS annoying.

And your not the only one who get interrogated by your parents. I get asked questions all the time and my dad says I don't have any privacy in this house because HE owns it. I hid sodas in my room once, and Dad found them and was stealing them and I asked him how he found them and he rplied that he searched my room. And I said, 'For what, drugs?' and of course, I was joking but then he acts all serious and says, 'Well now that you mention it...' and then goes back to watching tv.

So yeah, my dad makes sure I don't have drugs in my room or something. I guess most parents don't trust their kids... hmm... o.O

But it might be the fact my dad can't take a joke.

But, ANYWHO, this isn't about me. About you. This is what the stress board is for, to RAMBLE about LIFE. But I don't use it because I don't have a life =D

I'm glad you feel better. I don't like it when you are mad. I think you told me about the funny story XDD She gets freaks out becayse of the weirdest stuff sometimes. XDD Like the mouse I found in the house XDD She screamed and got up on the couch screaming 'MOUSE! MOUSE!' and we were trying to make sure we weren't hurting it. XDD Tee hee

[~XxLone*WolfxX~]

Then there was the spider on the ceiling, that was NOT a spider, that she started screaming 'SPIDER, SPIDER, KILL IT, DIE!' XD

But that's fine. I just got aggravated today. So I figured I'd rant like I've been wanting too. xP

And it's not as bad as what happened to Breeze, Spot. To get to the point, her parents divorced, her sister was taken to a mental hospital, the woman her dad got with was terrible and stole things from her, then her sister committed suicide. I don't know if things are better yet though...

My grandma tried to commit suicide. She failed. So that was good. But the pills she used she would have needed a LOT more. Jeez... Death is like... Pfft... Anymore for me. I mean yeah, it's sad but... Not as hard as it used to be. Like when, I went to seven different funerals in the span of six months. xP

[Shadie]

Last night I kinda freaked over a spide, But that's because I felt something tickling up my arm and I was thinking it was a string or something from my fan, but then it kept moving in the opposite direction I was brushing it so I figured out it was a spider and I was like 'Gah! No spider's on Shadie while she sleeping! D=<' and I squished it. Oops. Oh well. No spiders on Shadie while she sleeping.

I've started rants about my brother being mean to me on day and when I say something back to him, I get in trouble but not him. Mom and Dad said that if I would just keep my mouth shut he would get in trouble, but that never happens. XDD

But I always figure it's stupid and stop ranting. LoL.

[~XxLone*WolfxX~]

XD Okay then. I need a good rant. I still feel crappy. xP Mom and dad say I'm lazy, but I believe they are worse.

I'm trusted enough with big things. Like the cell phone, wallet, purse, kids, credit cards, I could go on. Yet those little things like feeding the cats. Omg, are you suuure? XP It's kind of annoying.

[Shadie]

I'm not trusted with anything. XDD My parents always ask me in a stern voice if they have to double check to make sure I did my work. XDD

Sometimes it's annoying, but I like the satisfaction of grinning when they find out that I DID do what I was told to do.

[Cloudeh Mongoose]

Wow. That sucks, Lotus.

Heh, I feel like a spoiled brat now. O.o It's not like I am one, but... yeah. LoL I'd help you out if I could, but I can't really do anything. XD

And my mother agrees that that's pretty messed up, that one of the kids has to do all the work. I love my parents. XDDDD

Anyway, funny story. XDDDDDD

Hmmm... I never have anything big to rant about, so I don't use the stress board much. I don't think I've actually ever ranted before... have I?

[~XxLone*WolfxX~]

XD Yeah. It gets hard. I didn't rant about how I had to clean the two year old that got poop ALLLL over herself. XP Nasty... And she does this at least once a day. And if she doesn't she makes up for it. P.P

Yes. Quite.

Waaait. How is it messed up that I have to do the work? XD That wasn't the point of the rant. I feel my parents can actually be a little... Childish. XP But that wasn't the point. The point was I feel a little run down and needed to rant about how freaking wore out I am. I also cannot tell my parents this because I either choke up or just plain can't. It's hard to explain. So, since I can't talk to mom and dad, I tell the whole of SC. XD Anyway... Yeah. Besides, you have to do chores too.

And I think what gets mom going is the fact that she's met people with more siblings that have had to do a lot of things. XP Darn it...

[Cloudeh Mongoose]

Not that many. LoL

And I know that it wasn't the point. I just wasn't that far into it when I mentioned it to my mom. xD Yeah... your parents do sound a little... childish.

=hugs= But yeah, I feel like a spoiled brat right now. XDDDDDDDDDD =P

[~XxLone*WolfxX~]

XD I don't think you're a spoiled brat. And at least my parents have jobs, aren't druggies, or drunks. So they're not like Ren or Kyo's dad. XDD

I do whatever I'm told. xP At least I'll know how to do all this when I get out of the house.

[Spottednose]

Shadie, you said:

I've started rants about my brother being mean to me on day and when I say something back to him, I get in trouble but not him. Mom and Dad said that if I would just keep my mouth shut he would get in trouble, but that never happens. XDD

It's the same for me! I get so mad. Now that my brother is back from camp, he's acting like a cocky jerk. He yelled at my mom, and they didn't even say a WORD to him. I yelled at my mom once, then I got in big trouble. Then today he spit on me, right in front of my parent. They even saw him! Not a word!

Sorry... I ranted a little bit...

*Gives hug* I think that your parents where acting a little childish too. I hope they get better, and don't make you do so much work.

[~XxLone*WolfxX~]

I don't want sympathy. I just ranted cause it made me feel better. XD

I do believe the issues with your brothers is that they expect more from you two because you are girls therefore the greater gender. So you must show manners and politely look at your brother and say 'Brother, why must you treat me so?' Yeah, try that. Or make him feel really uncomfortable by staring at him. Not rudely. Just looking at him after he's done something wrong. EVERY time. Rarely have I met a person that doesn't mind being stared at in that odd 'you did something you shouldn't have' look.

Okkkkkaaaaaayyyy, I was joking a little about the 'brother, why must you treat me so' thing. XD

Anyway... I wouldn't know. All I know is that brothers close to your age or younger enjoy following you around while you're with your friends and such. 0.o My cousins brother and Shadie's to an extent. XD

Mostly, I don't want sympathy because then I do feel like I'm in a 'poor me' mind setting. xP

[Spottednose]

Sorry...

Oh, and I tried the staring thing a couple times on my brother. It made him really mad! lol!

[yellow]

What's A rant?